LittleMissAmericanWalnut♥

"If happy ever after still exist"

I love to rant&rant,
about the simplest thing that don't even matter.

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Everything has changed.

Monday, May 12, 20145:39 PM

"I just want to know you, know you better now"

Feeling dysfunctional. That's all I can say. Tired beyond measure. Can't contain it. Misunderstood.

Not everyone can like you. Ignorance. Arrogance. Messed-up. Perception. Thoughts.

Silence kills.

Thursday, February 20, 201411:45 PM

For some reason, tonight it feels like life is suffocating me to its very core. I don't think I can deal with all these anymore. At the moment, my mind is in a daze. It's like I'm trapped in a maize & I cannot find my way out. Staying at home doesn't make it much easier. I begin to wonder & compromise my beliefs on existence. I cannot keep a straight mind & I often stumble on things in my life which makes it harder for me to move on. It pains me brutally that people whom I used to be close with don't even bother catching up with me. This pains me till the very day. I sacrificed so much effort into something & in the end, no one see's it and they turned their backs on you. I will never forget the day I was betrayed by EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU. It that why you guys have cut contact with me? Just because I was not a part of something with you guys ?

I want to cry, really. But then what is there to cry? I feel so burdened. I have lost faith in myself. I don't even know how did I ever turned into someone I never thought I should be. My life is meaningless that if I am gone today, no one would ever notice because again, who am I to anyone ? I am nobody, that's who. I push away people from my life because I loathe people. I don't even have the strength to carry myself.

Sometimes I wonder, what is life ? I have never felt such bitterness in my life. It's slowly killing me.

Advice to self ; Never be nice to anyone.

Up on the hills...

Saturday, January 18, 201410:36 PM

Hello earthlings ! Definitely has been quite some time since my last update on life. Well, here's a little update on where I have been for the weekends :) So on Friday (17.1.14) it was declared a public holiday. Therefore my family decided to go up to Genting for "lepak". And when I mention, FAMILY it actually comprised of my dad, my mom & myself. Brother was busy with assignments as it is his last sem. While my sister is busy working :( But nevertheless, I manage to enjoy myself :) We stayed at First World hotel and mind you. IT WAS HUGE. They have a total number of six thousands rooms. We stayed at one of the World Club rooms :) So upon reaching, my mom and dad separated. I followed my mom of course. So above the Hotel there is somewhat I call a "SHOPPING&ENTERTAINMENT" place. So loved the "feeling" it gave me ;) Guess I'll proceed with the pictures !

So here's my Baskin Robins. I had vanilla because my favourite flavour was unavailable :( Lately I fancy having cone. Hence, my ice-cream on the cone !

Yes. Am aware that the picture is crooked. But I took this shot on the way down the escalator because this is the only best view which is not govern by the tracks.

This is not the best shot because the lighting was really bad :(

My first Starbucks for the year ! Actually I cannot recall the last time I had Starbucks. Maybe when I was eight or nine. I used to have some mango stuff. But other than that, Starbucks ain't my thing. But since my mom wanted Starbucks, therefore I got myself a Signature Hot Chocolate :D

My mac& cheese for dinner.

My dad's steak which was uh-maaa-zingg ah I tell chuu :<

My mom's dish. Which I have no idea whut. The eatery was at Bubbles&Bites. I tell chuu. Their service was excellent ! :) And the price was pretty reasonable.

The carousel:)

THE STATUE OF LIBERTY.

When we were at the mall, there were entertainments by buskers. Actually quite pitiful la :( They work so hard for a living. Moreover not to say everyone who watched their show pay them :( Cause some buskers had little bag and box which they pass around towards the end of the performance & explain to the audience to help them earn their living. So below is a performance by a contortionist of which I shook hands with at the end. I wanted to take a picture with him, but I was shy & by the time, he already left ;( So here's a short performance of what he did :) There is definitely more la. But tak kan I upload the whole thing here & let everyone watch meh. Then next time go Genting no one wants to see him perform anymore. So here's a little teaser ! :)

This video on the other hand is two dinosaurs dancing which I find absolutely cuteee ! But this one don't need to pay money to them la. This is a free performance I guess. But I really did enjoyed myself since all I do now is sleep, watch movies, eat, do house chores etc etc.

Besides that, my family and I went to play some arcade games :) But there is no picture cause my dad was so immense on the games that I guess he was too lazy to take any pictures. There was this game where we had to hook some ducks from the pond with a long stick and see if we win any prizes based on the mark beneath the duck. Then my dad and me shoot some hoops ;) My mom joined but shoot only twice :( Then there was this particular game where you have to hit a particular "thing" with a huge hammer to see the level of your strength. But this game my dad played la. My mom, me and some audience just watch. It was quite an embarrassment at the beginning cause I was hitting the "thing" non stop only to realised we haven't swipe the card properly to play. ( We had to purchase a "game credit card" beforehand & swipe it on any particular game we wanna play ) So I was hitting non-stop & shouted to my dad " WHAI NOT WORKING ONE" *bangs bangs bangs. Then there was this man who told us to swipe our card again and wait . Seriously. HAHAHA. I was not so embarrass but it was funny when I thought about it again & laugh with my family.

This conclude my trip to Genting :) Until next time, buh baaaai.

Sad Confession

Wednesday, December 4, 201311:02 PM

It's been ages since I came onto blogger to rant about how I feel etc. Actually, my life is pretty boring but now that SPM is over and I am freeee from High School I feel a tiny bit free from all my imprisonment of sadness and depression. High school sucks & I hate everything it has to offer. I thank God I left that bloody place that has cause me endless tears, hurts & bitterness.

Mind my language. I don't usually speak like that but I just need to express how much I really loathe my high school memories :( It all sucks ttm. For one thing, I have shitty friends who just back stab me & made me feel useless as ever. You sacrifice so much for them and all you get it nothing in return. Sometimes I even wonder why do I trouble myself to go through the extra mile to even give them a call & ask them how they've been. In addition to that, I have to live my schooling life with hypocrites whom I once call them friends. Actually, I really am not blessed with good friends & I do realise that.

Honestly speaking, during my SPM examination I have friends who just hit me up & ask me for tips. Bloody tips is what I am worth now is it? Other than that I am just saw dust to your eyes. Like screw every one of you. Friends my butt. I really hate people who just talk to me just to get something in return. Yeah sure to all you judge mental readers out there. I understand that this is just part and parcel of life & it will only get worse when I go out and work. But guess what ? Screw you guys too. This is a place where I rant out my frustration. Therefore if it bothers you too much then just click the red "x" button at the corner of this page. Thank you.

Other than eating, sleeping and watching youtube, I went to Malacca with my family :) But I guess I'll go that blog post another time as the pictures aren't here. Oh gosh, I really blame all the unhappiness that made me neglect this blog. Oh wells.

Hi.

Saturday, September 14, 20134:28 PM

Why hello :) Been ageeesss since I last blogged ! Nothing new. Just that same old boring life :( SPM is approaching. Having mixed feelings about this. Well mostly, happy :) Cause the sooner it comes, the faster I get over it. And the faster I get over it, the faster I leave school ! CANNOT WAIT :')

Basically, my life took a change. Really. No joke. I used to be such a strong, and capable person. Right now, at this moment, I feel like trash. My life is so meaningless at times, I even question my existence. Like, no one cares about me sad life. So why bother?

So lately I figured out how not to be a loner is to talk to myself. HAH. Get it ? Talk-to-ma-self? Thats exactly what I'm doing now ;) I figured out that in order not to feel so sorry to myself, I should just rant it out. Anyways, I've been really emotional over Cory Monteith's death :'( You can say I am grieving alongside with Lea Michele. How would you feel when you're about to marry the love of you life and then BAAAM. He/she is gone.. FOREVER... *cues for some melodramatic song please.. :'< It was almost a perfect ending for her ToT

Besides that, I found out that I'm actually an introvert. Yeap. I AM A FREAKING INTROVERT. HOHO ToT Guess that explains why I dread picking up phone calls even if its from some close friends. I used to have that phobia of not answering a call. But I kinda mustered some courage and overcome that peculiar habit of mine. Like, shesh. It's just one stoopid phone call right? ;) Besides that, I realise that I tend to shut down on people whenever I am tired. That explains why I have my straight face on whenever I go for loooonngg outings. HEH.

Alright, I'm just going to end things here.
Good bye.

Want to find out if you're an introvert? Check it out HERE!

Of lemonade and honey bee

Thursday, May 23, 201311:33 AM

Can someone be a dear and tell me how long it has been since I came over to blog about my life ? D; Yes, been ages till I lost track. So just a brief update, its 2013 already . Month of May. The 23rd.

So what's new? Oh, I'll tell you whats new. THIS.

Today I am just going to be transparent about how I really feel. So if you feel bored already, get lost.

I have never been sadder all my life. Just one stupid mistake, and there I go.
I paid for a ticket to the most scariest roller coaster of my life. No joke.

I don't laugh that often.

I feel sorry for myself.

I feel angry at almost anything.

No doubt we're entering the middle of the month soon . I always, always console myself with this.

'Keep calm, its almost over'

I cannot take another step in life. Have you ever taken a look at yourself and wonder that the earth would be a better place without you in it?

Yea, told you I am in for the most scariest roller coaster alive. They say to be strong. God is always testing, but why me?
But why not me? Gosh I am so sick and tired I just want to bury myself and cry.

Obviously I am not okay. Never had been, never will be.

My only escape has been my sleep. I am able to run away from reality just for a little while. Okay. No doubt I miss my friends. I miss them so much till the extend I have no freaking idea what has become of us. I am tired of being nice to people whom I dislike. Its not that I never try, I did. Those kind of people whom you wished never existed. Oh gosh, my life is a mess. I am so distorted. Very distorted. I have no idea why am I here on planet earth.

I really am pissed and mad about my life. I cannot express myself much lately. I have no idea why.

Every time I come onto blogger, I have the no clue of whatsoever about my life. I really want to scream and shout and let it all out.

I am tired of living a life to please everyone. If you expect more out of me, why don't you just expect that from yourself? I am so mad over dinner last night I just burst out crying. I hate how even your closest relatives think of you. Just because things don't turn out how you wished they did that doesn't mean I am taking you for granted. How could I even take you for granted, I ask you.

And as for society, I am done trying to please you. Whether it is for the authority or someone I care. I am tired of caring so much. I am tired of being so nice.

Don't come asking me why am I so down. I box your face.

Vivid memories

Sunday, November 18, 201210:19 PM

"I'll go back go December"

"Turn around and make things alright"

Hello. Why yes. The reason why I'm blogging tonight is because I feel awful. Ya' heard me ? Awful. I was sitting down and staring into space when it occurred to me that next year will be my last year in school. Honestly, that freaked me out. I am serious. Come to think of it, I rather relive those moments when I first stepped into secondary school. 4 years down the road, I have learned tremendous and it has shaped me into who I am today. Without my high school experiences, I'm not really sure what will become of me. Seriously speaking. Thinking about next year made me shudder with dread. I'll be sitting for my SPM and then it's the end of high school. I am getting a little bit emotional here. I am serious. I am just not showing it that's all *holds back tears.

I was just joking. But still right ? Sometimes thoughts like these make me wonder.. What have I done in the past few years ? Hmm. No doubt I am very matured now compared to when I was still a Form 1. But yeah.. Time flies way too fast. I remember vividly in 2010 when daddy bought an I pad and I was hooked on to it with Bruno Mars - Just the way you are, Mei Chen and Sue Mae coming over and we played some ping pong game (except that it is waaaaay cooler than ping pong. Just that I forgotten what the game was called :B) , jogging, dealing with new experiences. I think 2010 was my turning point. Now look, it's 2012. In a couple of weeks, it's all over. 2013. The future scares me sometimes. We definitely have to be vigilant and watchful because God is coming back very soon. Am I prepared ? Honestly, no. I seriously have no idea on what my career should be. Although being an orthodontist seems pretty impressing.. Hmmm. I think honesty, growing up is scary. Can you imagine yourself being 40 years old in the years to come ? I can't. I am scared of growing up actually. Just when I want to settle down and enjoy things for a little while, it's all gone. And it turns into memories.

Alright. Enough of ranting. I shall let God carry me through. I have a feeling there will several breakdowns next year. Hmmm.

That's all for now.

Adios